What I learn from my Cat

I wake up this morning thirsty, my mind racing with dozens of thinks I have to get done today, and already stressed by anxieties and guilty about things I haven't gotten done and several friendships that are very important to me that I need - want - to improve. I'm behind schedule on a few important projects, some of them now urgent. My body is so tense I feel like a wound up spring.

I swing my feet out of bed, it's 5 AM, dark. I usually wake at 5:30 so if I've woken early it's becuase my mind isn't sleeping. Even as I stand up and stretch, the Holy Spirit is calling me to my 'special place'. It's a battered old sofa on a little attic in my house where no one can see me - a hiding place. I keep two things there - a lamp and a large, easy to read Bible. I put on some clothes, and curl up and pray. I pray to God for all the things I think I want and hope for. I pray for my church, my children, my wife, myself, my friends, my projects, my family.

Then I confess to God that what I have just done is really to try to persuade Him to do all the things I want Him to do for me. I recognize that if I could, I would manipulate God to do my bidding. Next, I realize that I really can't even pray to God and be completely free of the need to try to get my own way. I confess this to Him. Now I'm praying more honesty. As I am doing this, my two cats come and nuzzle up with me. One of them just sits next to me, leaning on me. The other one is more needy this morning, sitting on my lap and pushing his head into me, provoking me to stroke him and scratch him between the ears - which I know he likes. It occurs to me that what I most need this morning is just what my cats need. They need me. They need my touch, my assurance, my presence. They need time with me. Just to be.

I stop my conversation 'at' God and ask if I could just have Him this morning. Even before this thought is forming in my mind, my back neck and stomach relax. I had hardly realized they were tensed, but now they are relaxed. I stop using words and just take time to be.

I stay there for maybe 5 minutes and sense a need to pray on my knees. I get on my knees and again I don't use words. I just open up my mind, my heart. It's quiet and dark still, but I don't even notice that. I get a sense that again I am trying to earn my way into God's approval. He reminds me there is no need. He's already seen right through that. Just be quiet Eddy, and be with me.

I tell God that I want Him, I want to want Him more than I do. And with purer motive. I want to obey Him and live a life centered on Jesus and surrounded by Him. I sense God would like that too. My cats are just sitting with me now, and we are all the better for it.

Now my day can begin. One task at a a time. No hurry, no hustle. It's a different day.

I read a little scripture and the words get through to me.

I start to pray for my friend again. This time I don't ask God for anything, but just recognize that God knows what I want for me and my friend. God gives me a sense that He is already on top of that situation and I can have peace about it. God reminds me that I already know what I ought to do - so I should just make time today to get that done.

Not everyday starts this way, but I'm glad this one has. I'll listen to my cats more often.